I love those who love me; those who look for me find me.
~ Proverbs 8:17
I had some time today to think about this verse. Actually, I had all day. I sneaked a peak at the verse this morning as I was thinking about what I should share today on my blog. Then it hit me; why must I always sin after I experience a victory with God. Two words: The Enemy.
You see, lately I’ve been experiencing spiritual successes and spiritual failures. Almost like a ying-yang picture in my life. I get on track, I seek God and I find Him. I’m climbing the mountain to pursue out and reach God and then it happens—sin avalanche.
Now when I say a sin avalanche I don’t mean I just went ape-nuts crazy sinning. How does an avalanche start? Usually all it takes is something small that have it all come crashing down. In my case it can be a website I go to, or a movie I watch, or my attitude and language at work or even my reaction to those who are in need. The greatest thing The Enemy can do is get just a sliver of sin to creep into my life, and before I know it the sin has happened and I’m back to square one.
This pattern seems to be set on repeat in my life. It can be extremely frustrating at times. I will find myself questioning my faith and my love for God. If God love those who love Him, and my sin is obviously not an act of love towards God, does that mean He obviously doesn’t love me? My mind and The Enemy are pounding YES into my head. God says otherwise.
I’m a sinner. A sinner. I try to be a good person, but I fail. It’s human nature. I am not perfect and I will sin. No matter how hard “I” try, I will sin. Period. Yet, I know that God will always love me—“those who look for Me find Me.” I am constantly looking for God. Even when I’m sinning, there is a part of me crying out to God for help and strength to fight the urge to sin. I don’t always consciously know this, but I know my spirit is crying out to God. How do I know? Because after I have sinned, I am sad. Sad that I have just let myself down, but more importantly I have let my Father down.
However, God’s love is stronger than the chains of sin. The Enemy might win a battle when it comes to sin in my life, but I am encouraged by the fact that Jesus has already won the war. His death and resurrection give me hope that although I stumble and fall, Christ is right there to reach His nail scarred hands to pick me back up.
The love of this father for his kids is strong. If my children disappoint me, that doesn’t mean I love them any less. I know they messed up, they know they messed up; we deal with it and move forward. That’s exactly what God requires of me and that’s one reason why I go to confession. God uses the priest to deal with my sins, forgive me and we move forward together. A God that gives me the sacrament of confession is a God who loves me enough to not give up on me—no matter how many times I need to be picked back up again.